While Christmas time can have its magical moments, the holidays can also be challenging for most families. For families who’ve been impacted by foster care and adoption, the holidays can bring unique challenges. The season can trigger both good and bad memories that may effect behaviors and tolerance levels.
As caregivers, it’s important to approach this time with empathy, intention, and a plan. Here are some practical tips from Chaddock’s Family Coach, Sarah Goodapple, to help you support your family this holiday season.
Stay Attuned
It’s important for caregivers to be aware of changes in moods and behaviors and to remain empathetic and curious with their children. Doing regular emotional check-ins and naming what they might be feeling can provide comfort and validation. For example, you might say, “I can see you’re feeling a little sad today. I wonder if you’re missing your siblings?” Naming emotions helps children understand their feelings and shows them you’re paying attention.
Create a Balanced Schedule
Consider planning times for you and your kids to decompress or co-regulate during your holiday celebration plans. Remember that saying no to one opportunity will be a yes for your family and their needs during this holiday chaos.
It’s also helpful to have a game plan before entering a party or event. Setting those boundaries ahead of time allows the family to be all on the same team. This could look like telling your kids, “If you need to take a break during the party, you can whisper our code word “Peppermint Sprinkles” and I will come help you in a private place.” or “When I set the timer, that will be the clue it is almost time to leave the party. Should we play a game or snuggle when we get home?”
These small strategies can help children feel supported and safe while navigating the chaos of the season.
Don’t Forget About Yourself
As caregivers managing all of the complex emotions of your children, it will be super important to prioritize self-care. This may look like taking an inventory of your personal needs. For example, you can ask yourself, “Am I tired, hungry, or overstimulated?” and then take five minutes to help address that need.
It may also help to have a grounding practice ready to go. You can try putting your back against the wall and taking long deep breaths while saying to yourself, “My child is having a hard time, not giving me a hard time. This is not an emergency and this feeling is temporary. I am a good parent having a hard time.”
Focus on Connection
Most of all, be sure to seek out moments to connect with your children individually. Providing positive feedback and physical touch, like a hug or a pat on the back, can go a long way in strengthening your relationship. These deposits of praise and touch are crucial to maintaining a positive relationship which will help keep your family steady through the holidays.
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. By approaching the season with empathy, flexibility, and intentionality, you can create moments of connection and joy for your family, even in the midst of challenges. Remember, you are not alone on this journey, and every effort you make to provide stability and love is making a difference.
Wishing you and your family peace and warmth this holiday season.
